Wednesday, March 28, 2012
#13 Three family Libras (are we?)
I got interested in Zodiac signs partly because it always felt (still does since I carry so much childhood crap) like a bit of a rebellion against my conservative parents. I immediately thought the major trait of weighing (hence the scales symbol) pros, cons and contributing factors sounded so much like my brother Tim and me. Maybe my dad too – I knew he made careful decisions, usually ones I didn’t like and involving delayed gratification: “You can see that movie if it ever comes to town again.” What?! Was the intent for me to never see the movie, or was that too obvious an answer? He wasn’t the most transparent dad. He was smart but (and?) ignored pop culture, on purpose. Was it possible he didn’t realize our town’s one theater with one screen meant the odds were low for a return showing…
I knew we Libras were not quick deciders. During my years of undiagnosed anxiety I used the Libra profile to help explain my high-intensity dithering. It’s hard to make decisions, especially was before anxiety meds, because I keep weighing – and re-weighing, sometimes I assign different weights – the options. I have always prided myself on not being a black & white thinker – first in what I thought was rebellion against my upbringing, then more consciously in accordance with the independent thought patterns that I eventually realized my parents had encouraged.
My brother Tim was wonderfully ____. Well, I have written several words here and crossed them all out. He prided himself on objectivity, probably beyond the point that a human being can be that neutral. But you couldn’t not love his heart and admire his brain for being – for trying to be – this way. One of my favorite memories is a moment – not typical for our somewhat distant, busy lives etc. adult relationship – when I called him, during the work day (we never talked while we were at work) because my newly evangelical coworker R. had gotten to me with her apocryphal threats. (“It’s sad to know that even a nice person you care about will go to hell,” this comment delivered while we were eating sandwiches across the breakroom table from each other.) Tim did a kind of Scholl giggle/groan (which has to be a derivative of how my dad laughs when he hears something embarrassing or mildly upsetting), then shared some historical lore about the alleged author of the Book of Revelation and a bit of Tim’s perspective toward this knowledge. Most of all, best of all, I knew I could count on him to say the opposite – in content and style – of, little sis you are going to hell. He didn’t say I wasn’t, but he put so much perspective, gentle laugh-at-the-zealots orientation into his comments that I felt bolstered in my spiritual position – a position best described as…well, continued questions, independent thought.
Weighing of data points, perspective on emotion… That is who I am – maybe just by genetics and environment, maybe also by the alignment of the planets at my time of birth. Craig’s dad is a Libra too, and when he was married to Craig’s mom we would laugh about the two teams of us, Craig Jr. and his mom the Capricorns (more impulsive, leading others – sometimes straight toward a wall) and Craig Senior and I – the hold on, let’s-consider-this types. I’m not sure Craig Senior spoke in terms of birth signs, but he did put his son and Craig’s mom in the same category behavior-wise (which I kind of think substantiates zodiac traits…maybe). This gave us a cool (workable, sometimes fun) blueprint with which to relate to each other as couples and in-laws.
Several years ago I ordered a birthday zodiac necklace – yes, really. The non-precious but real stones are supposedly (that’s what I paid for, anyway) arranged on the base string in an order and distance that echoes the planetary alignment at my day and time of birth. It’s an interesting piece of jewelry, makes a statement but isn’t such a strong visual – a lot of purple and earth tones, and there’s a silver Libra charm in the front. If you take the time to look – which no one but the wearer would do – you see various planets (colored gemstone beads). I have a printout that explains everything…
- ▼ 2012 (3)
- ► 2010 (38)