Monday, April 27, 2009

Parking Lot Vertigo

Setting…I had spent the past 3 hours waiting for the gas company to repair our alley gas connection and hook up gas in the house we had moved to the day before…Craig was out of town and the dogs were still in our old house…while I waited, I had gone around the new house figuring out what art would go in what room. Which was kind of fun but surreal (alone in a strange house full of misplaced furniture and boxes) and frustrating – when would the damn gas be turned on? I had been calling about it for 2 weeks… I promised myself that when I was released from gas-guy duty I would have a drink and a snack at Sol’s, our favorite Mexican restaurant in the old neighborhood. I had to go over there anyway to get a Zappos delivery (of both shoes AND jewelry!) that I knew had been sitting on the porch all afternoon.

2/27/09, 9:30 pm [Journal Entry]
Waited for gas guy, went to house to give dogs a treat and get Zappo’s. Opening King Baby pendant at Sol’s parking lot so I would have light, thought a truck had just pulled up to my left, that vertiginous feeling when someone else is moving and you think you are. My car was mostly dark so I was focused outside it. Then it hit, even more sick-making than the visual (I still feel sick, waiting on my food…also really hungry and tired), that my car had rolled back, and slightly crooked – because I hadn’t straightened my wheels when I parked. I was in a hurry (and, tired…) and thought I’ll turn off the car properly in a minute, gears or brake or whatever I hadn’t done yet, but I thought I already had one handled, like when you turn off ignition w/car in drive but have your foot on the brake. I had been in a hurry to get my headlights off because I could see them reflected in the Sol’s window and thought they might bother people, although now from the inside I realize the customers have blinds partially closed and the distraction of building lights and neon outside. So metaphorical – feeling of being carried to places I don’t want, but not that far…and while risky it is a modest risk because of how I live/behave…generally so little movement going on although an element of slight wackiness…self-blame…self-sabotage over the expensive jewelry gift I got myself? I was distracted because concentrating so hard, is the necklace too chunky, L.A.-style, pendant and fastener ring bigger than I expected, and the ball chain is…motorcycle ish? in a fashionable, dainty? way. None of which would matter if I return it for credit. I’ll wear it for a while and see what I think…. [Who was I kidding…I still have the necklace and bought more from the collection. Now the chunky style looks just right to me – I have retrained my visual assessment of style to favor the motorcycle look a little more.]

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